Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Purpose

I started this blog months ago.....

I started this blog with every intention of writing about some painful issues in my past. not because I need therapy because honestly I have dealt with it, i have moved on but I started this blog to write for others who like me found themselves prisoner in their own lives. Held prisoner by someone they loved, held prisoner by someone who was supposed to love them and want the best for them. I very quickly found out that even if you have made peace with the past, when you go digging back into it things have a way of creeping up and scratching at the scabs on the wounds until they are bleeding again and as painful as they were the day they were first inflicted.
I still have to do this. As much as I don't want to, I want to do it even more. I am having a really hard time getting started though and I'm not sure where to start. I tried starting at the beginning but I deleted what I had written.  I thought about starting with just some little things here and there but that seems like a way of skating around the topics and I don't think that will do either.
I have talked with a few people about this and although the opinions seem to range from don't do it, all the way to do it and get it out once and for all. So I will start off slowly and if I don't post for a day or so just bare with me this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  Even harder than living through it because that was not a choice I had to do it, I had to survive it, but this..... This is a choice I am making, I am choosing to relive the betrayal and pain inflicted by the one who vowed to love me all the days of his life.
-Epona